Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
