Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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