In the future we'll all be gay
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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