the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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