the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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