1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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