Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
