I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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