JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
