I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
