tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
