about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
