The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
