I think I won the penis lottery.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
