I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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