Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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