I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
