I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
