Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
