You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
