I smell stomach acid.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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