my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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