oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
