At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
