it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
