So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
