life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
