Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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