That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
