so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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