I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
