I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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