Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
