happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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