dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
