You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Send help, water and tortillas.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
