i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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