from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
