U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
