Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
