Ambien. No doubt about it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
