Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
