I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
