i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
