I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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