Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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