apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
