peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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