third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
