If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
