gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
