i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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