It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
