Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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