first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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