That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
