I'm really into asian looking animals
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
